In Your Heart of Hearts
by The Celestial Tiger
Summary: What thoughts does Sesshoumaru think of Rin when he's alone? Inuyasha of Kikyou and Kagome? Miroku of Sango? Delve into their minds, hearts and souls. Please R&R!
1. Sesshoumaru on Rin

**The Celestial Tiger's notes: **Originally, this was just going to be a single one-shot but I decided to do something more. Since I've already got one very expansive story in the works, I just don't have the time to start another long story. So I decided to do one-shots as breaks in between writing the long story. These one-shots are single entities in and of themselves but all fit together under one theme. Each one explores a different character or set of characters. I'm a nut about delving into character psyches and I do my best to remain as true to the character as possible. I hope you enjoy!

**Self-promotion alert!** Since I've already mentioned that I'm writing an expansive story, I'll just go ahead and insert a shameless plug. It's a Yu Yu Hakusho / Inuyasha crossover entitled "A Mission of Epic Proportions." Admittedly, it's my only other story up right now as I'm fairly new to but if you want to check it out, just access it through my profile. (I don't trust this site's search engine at all!)

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**_Sesshoumaru on Rin_**

The evening was still and silent. The forest hummed softly with only the sounds of crickets and distant running water and an occasional scurrying animal. The moon was large and luminous and cast a gentle glow, making the night peaceful and serene. There was no disturbance…all was calm. However, in the blanket of the night moved a swift figure. It made no sound as it sped through the trees and the shadows. It traveled a great distance in a very short time and finally came to stop in a small clearing bathed by moonlight.

Sesshoumaru, the Youkai Lord of the Western Lands, stood silently in the clearing. If he were angry…pleased…sad…interested…no one would ever know. He wore an impartial expression as his eyes slowly swept the area around him. There was nothing here of specific interest…he was not searching for anything, nor did he particularly care for this place over any other that he had passed tonight. He was wholly unimpressed by what most might consider beautiful surroundings, though he was not altogether unaffected by the calm of the night. Above anything else at the moment, he sought solitude, and the almost surreal peace in the warm air enticed him to give pause in his wanderings.

Sesshoumaru walked slowly across the clearing, his movements so graceful that they seemed ethereal. There was a large rock on one end of the clearing, half of it in moonlight, half in shadow. It was here that Sesshoumaru chose to sit down. He closed his eyes slowly, listening to the sounds that surrounded him. There were surprisingly few, which was amazing considering that he could hear for miles on a calm night such as this. He opened his eyes again. A light breeze rose up around him and lifted his hair away from his face momentarily, playing lightly with it before returning it to its place. Sesshoumaru let himself relax for the moment. He could do this when he was alone. Only when he was completely alone…and usually even when he was by himself, he never quite felt alone enough.

Sesshoumaru's eyes ceased to look at anything specific as he lapsed into thought. He had been almost avoiding deep thought recently. Now, lulled by the trancing calm of the forest, he found himself unable to prevent thought from enveloping him. His ever impassive face did not match the state of his mind as the introspection he had been avoiding finally took hold.

So many thoughts rushed to the surface at once. Sesshoumaru did not like this one bit. He could push it all away…clear his mind…force himself to think on anything of his own choosing. Why then did he feel compelled to allow these thoughts to continue? It would do him no good…probably even to the contrary, and yet…sitting there alone, the thoughts came…and he did not stop them.

'_Alone'_…he was alone now. It was the first time he had truly felt alone in a very long time. He had long anticipated the sweetness of escaping his entourage…to be far enough away from them to not sense them in any way…to attain complete aloneness. But now, having finally achieved that feeling after so long, he found that it was not as he had remembered it. It was once a wonderful feeling, liberating and completing, and he had long desired to feel that way again. But now it wasn't the same.

'_This solitude that I have sought…it does not please me. Can it be that I have changed?...I do not change. Yet I cannot deny that I no longer feel as I once did...' _And it was distastefully true. Now that he was truly away from those who followed him…a certain human child, in particular… he felt a strange pull to get back. Especially since he could not sense any of them… could not sense her. It made him uneasy. _'Ridiculous!' _Why should he entertain such concern? She would be fine… she was with Jaken and Ah-Un. And after all, these were his lands… he need fear nothing in his own lands. But still…

'_Why?' _Why was it that he could face other mighty youkai unblinkingly… calm… without fear… and yet a distant scream from _her_ could make his heart skip a beat…could make him…almost…fearful. _'I will not allow her to make me weak…'_

But try to convince himself as he might, he was doing exactly that…allowing the change…gradually allowing his once stone-cold heart to beat more and more with the warmth that seemed to shine from her. He could deny it, even to himself, but he had already made concessions. He would give pause in his wanderings to give her time to take care of the things she required…things humans needed to do, like eat, sleep, take shelter from the storms or the cold, bathe, and other things. He never assisted her in finding food or building fires or any other such matters. The very notion of doing so was ridiculous! He…Sesshoumaru…could never lower himself to such a level as to acknowledge a human as his equal…and certainly not to cater to one or indulge it in any way. Such things were fit for Inuyasha…some of the very things he looked down upon his half-brother for…the things that made him weak. Sesshoumaru, after all, was above all of that.

These thoughts were interrupted by an image of her face…her warm smile…her laughing eyes that held an unfathomable adoration for him…….._'Rin.' _He blinked once to force the image away, but it did not go away. She looked up at him, laughing her childish, innocent laugh and giving him a smile that as far as he could tell, she never shared with anyone else. It was for him alone. Without realizing it, Sesshoumaru's eyes softened ever so slightly.

When did the passage of time become so quick to him? It didn't seem like long ago that he had revived her, that she had taken that first step to follow him. But like any other child, she was growing and had changed considerably already. She had left behind her fear and silence and exchanged them for contentment and joy. She now spoke in a sprightly energetic voice that held both affection and inquisitiveness. Every day, her eyes spoke of new wonders experienced. Instead of picking handfuls of weed flowers, she now made floral wreaths and adorned her head with them. She danced in tall grass and relished in cool water's flow. She bathed in the sun and moon alike, returning their light with a radiance that was all her own.

Sesshoumaru blinked again. His eyes fell to the hilt of the Tensaiga. He then slowly reached and drew it out. His eyes narrowed slightly as he examined the blade. "Did you know?" he asked softly, his deep voice sounding resonant in the silence. "When you gave me this sword…." The sword that Sesshoumaru had once thought useless…it had saved his own life…protected him…and…it had been responsible for causing him to save a human life….Rin's life. At first, he had rationalized it as merely a test of the Tensaiga's powers. But if that were so, he would have turned right back around and destroyed the child when she began to follow him. She was, after all, just a human.

Just a human…creatures he despised…filthy, disgusting, weak, petty and useless. But…Rin was different. He began to think about their first meeting. He had been wounded and was absorbed in his brooding…that was the only reason she had gotten so close without him noticing. His first thought when he saw her was that had he the strength, he would have killed her on the spot. The most he could do was flash a warning at her not to come any closer. She was obviously frightened but for some reason she did not flee from him. Had she no sense? But it was what she did afterward that had confused him the most. She had tried to care for him. How dare a human child think that her attentions were worthy of him…that he even needed her pathetic efforts …her help!

But there was something so genuine in her eyes…true concern for his well-being…and for no reason at all. Did she not know that he was a youkai! Did she not know that he could rip her into pieces when he recovered! And yet here she was with an earnest desire to aid his recovery when she could have alerted the local villagers while he was still vulnerable. She never did alert anyone, however, and she continued to try and help him despite his cold words and disdain.

And then she had showed up looking haggard and horribly beaten. He hadn't been concerned in the least about her but it did draw his attention…it made him curious. And for Sesshoumaru, who had never before shown any kind of interest in a human, it was quite incredible that he even developed a curiosity over her. This curiosity made him do something he never would have done…he inquired about her…something she must have mistaken for concern. He had immediately assured her otherwise but everything he said to her after that question was lost. He would never forget the expression that lit her face upon hearing his question and the soft sound of joy she had made. Despite her face being marred and swollen at the time, there was an intoxicating quality in her smile…in her eyes. And though he refused to acknowledge it, he was affected by it.

Had it been the memory of her smile that had drawn him to her when he had later picked up her faint scent, or had it been the memory of her diligence and persistent kindness? He had not needed or wanted her kindness…but somewhere on an unconscious level that even he was unaware of, her devotion had impressed him. When he had found her encompassed by death, her small, fragile body mangled and torn, he should have turned and walked away…but he had been compelled instead to take a step forward. And then another and another until he had unsheathed the Tensaiga, the healing sword, and had made use of it. And if restoring her life had not already been out of character enough for him, he had drawn her up to him with his remaining arm. He remembered being surprised with himself for the first time in his life. He had looked down upon her, his face giving away a slight expression of amazement and even confusion. And when she had opened her eyes and looked up at him, something inexplicable had stirred within him.

He had not held her for long…but in the brief time that she had looked into his eyes, he felt different than he had ever felt before. For a fleeting moment, everything that had been important to him just minutes ago suddenly seemed trivial. He had found these feelings extremely distasteful and had rejected them, letting go of her and walking away as if nothing had happened. He credited her salvation to the Tensaiga, as he could not very well accept the responsibility for an act of compassion toward a human. He, Sesshoumaru, had no compassion after all. But when the little girl began to follow him, he did nothing to stop her. And she had been following him ever since that day.

Sesshoumaru blinked as the memories faded and his eyes refocused on the pristine blade of the Tensaiga. He blinked slowly, almost a gesture of deference to the sword itself and slowly sheathed it back in its scabbard. He had come to respect his father's gift. It safeguarded his life and the power to restore life had been useful on several occasions. And without it, **_she_** would have never been a part of his life. But why did that matter? As often as he thought that she was a nuisance, slowing him down and bothering him with trivial things…why was it that he could not imagine a day without her by his side? What about this human made her worthy enough to live?

Loyalty. _'Rin is loyal.' _This was what set her apart. She had been with him for a very long time…and in all of that time, she was loyal…faithful…and selfless. She never complained, no matter what happened, and she was always eager to please him. He had even tested her once…ordered her to leave him and go into a human village and stay there…to see just how deep her loyalty to him really ran. He recalled that instance when he told her that he wanted her to return to her own kind. She seemed horribly torn since she had never disobeyed him before…ever.

She had taken two steps toward the village, her eyes beginning to sting with tears. Then she had immediately whirled around and fallen at his feet. "Please, Sesshoumaru-sama! Rin…..Rin cannot go……R..Rin's place…is…is…with you." As she had grown older, she had gotten out of the habit of referring to herself in the third person, but she always reverted back to it when she knew that he was displeased or angry with her. It was her way of humbling herself in an effort to be worthy of his forgiveness. And she had been so fearful of defying his orders on that day but there was a certainty in her voice that had overpowered even her anxiety. She belonged with him…to her there was nothing else.

He remembered the sight of her tears…a rarity to be certain as Rin normally felt it disrespectful to cry in front of him since it was both a weak and frivolous act. He remembered hearing the pounding of her heart as she waited trembling at his feet for him to say something more. He also remembered listening to her breathing…the only other sound breaking the silence aside from her heartbeat. Her breath passed in and out softly but rapidly, matching the accelerated nature of her heartbeat. He knew this as her body's response to fear…she was terrified that he was going to make her leave him…and he recalled thinking that she had never been this afraid before, not even when she was being attacked. She did **_not_** want to leave him and the very thought of doing so caused her so much trauma that she was even willing to disobey him and accept the consequences in an effort to try to get him to reconsider.

Sesshoumaru recalled standing there for what seemed like a very long time in silence pondering her devotion in astonishment. His face might have even shown his bewilderment in that moment, but Rin had remained prostrate at his feet and saw nothing of his expression. She was still waiting for him to pass his sentence on her and Sesshoumaru, having obtained what he was seeking through this test, decided that he would not disparage such a rare display of loyalty.

Finally, after what felt like an excruciating eternity to Rin, Sesshoumaru had turned around and begun to walk away from her. In a panic, Rin had jerked her gaze up toward his back, opening her mouth desperately but being unable to make a sound. Endless tears flowed from her wide, trembling eyes as she felt as if her very life were being drained from her with every step he took. But then he had paused. He had stopped walking, standing there a slight distance away with his back still to her. Her breath, possibly even the very beating of her heart had stopped as she waited for him to do or say something.

He had cast his head ever so slightly to the side so that Rin would know that he was going to speak. Breaking the torturous silence, he had finally said, "Choose now, Rin…I will wait here no longer." When Rin heard those words, she had felt as if she could fly. _Choose_. He was letting her make the decision…as if she would ever choose any other life! She sprang to her feet and bounded to his side without hesitation, not once casting a single glance back to the village. He recalled the sound of joy that she had made, a sound that lingered in his perfect ears. She didn't say anything to him, possibly afraid that it might somehow make him change his mind…but she had smiled that special smile at him, the tears lingering in her eyes making them soft and misty. This expression haunted him for it created an odd feeling within his own heart, one he knew that he shouldn't like…but though he absolutely refused to let himself try to name it…he felt it.

In the very least, he knew then beyond doubt that she would never betray or leave him. She would follow him until she died. It was all she wanted…all she needed…her duty…her happiness. And that was why he allowed her to live day by day in his presence…because she set herself apart from other humans.

Sesshoumaru blinked his memories away once more, aware that the breeze was playing with his hair again. Only a moment's acknowledgement was given to this, however, as he decided that this silence and solitude was ultimately unsatisfying. He stood, gazing around one last time before entertaining the notion that Rin would like this clearing that he was in. Without acknowledging the betrayal to his own nature, he made a point to lead his small group back here so that he could watch her chase shimmers of moonlight and hear her laugh with the joy of a heart that is truly happy and free.


	2. Inuyasha on Kikyo and Kagome

**_Inuyasha on Kikyo and Kagome_**

It was a clear night. The moon hung bright and nearly full in the starry sky and the air was cool and clean. A single figure reclined in a wide branching tree, dangling one leg from the thick branch that he was perched on. His arms were crossed in front of him and the expression on his face was less than pleasant.

"Inuyasha!" called a voice from inside the nearby hut. Miroku then appeared at the door, partially blocking the warm light that spilled from inside. His gaze rose to the figure in the tree and then he sighed. "Dinner's ready. Stop pouting and come eat."

Dog ears tilted forward slightly and then returned to their position of being flat and angled back. "Not hungry," the gruff reply fell from above.

Miroku shook his head. "Okay, Inuyasha, but don't be surprised if there's nothing left when you want it later," he said through a sigh. Upon receiving an aloof grunt as a reply, he turned and went back inside.

Up in the tree, Inuyasha didn't bother to spare a glance back at Miroku's departing form. His gaze remained stubbornly fixed on the horizon in the opposite direction. "Pouting…keh…" he grumbled to himself. He wasn't pouting…he was brooding…and there was a difference, he affirmed to himself. He had every right to brood, he also resolved…they just didn't…or wouldn't…understand.

Inuyasha huffed to himself and then rubbed his nose. _'Ow!' _It still hurt a bit from his previous impact into the ground. _'Damn her!'_ he thought sourly. Lately, it seemed like he sustained more injury from being sat than from battle. There was, however, a nagging feeling tugging at his insides that he deserved this one.

He had been with Kikyo again and despite the pain evident in Kagome's eyes, he had defended his actions. But in defense he had said a few things that he regretted…regretted not just because they earned him one of the most violent sits he'd ever gotten, but because he saw what effect they had on Kagome right before her anguish turned to fury. He had hurt her…again.

Inuyasha's eyes softened slightly as he stared into the distance. He didn't mean to hurt Kagome but there were points of contention between them that fueled his temper and robbed him of his control over his mouth. The largest of these was, of course, Kikyo. No one could understand his heart where she was concerned. To say that they had cared for one another wasn't nearly adequate enough.

No one could know what kind of a life he'd had. After his mother's death, he was alone…not just lonely…but utterly alone. Youkai and humans alike not only rejected him…they hated him. He didn't belong in either world, for he, himself, was neither youkai nor human. There was no place in the world for a hanyou. Feared and despised…scorned and hunted…he spent every day running when he was little and fighting when he got older. Friendship…trust…love…they had died with his mother and he'd given up hope of ever finding them again.

Then he met Kikyo, a powerful miko with the charge of guarding the Shikon no Tama. She could kill mighty youkai with a single arrow…and yet…she did not kill him. She would pin him to trees and threaten him continually but she never really harmed him. Over time, she began to reach out to him…the first human other than his mother to ever show him any kindness. It took a very long time, but she eventually gained his trust…and his heart.

How could anyone understand what that meant to him? None of his current friends knew him back then…obviously, since that was over 50 years ago. They took it for granted that he was able to care about them…that he had the capacity to place some measure of trust in them. He was only this way because she had touched his soul.

His friends also only knew Kikyo as she was now…lifeless and cold…bitter and vengeful. Of course they couldn't imagine what she had once been. She was once a warm, beautiful woman with a gentle soul. But she was also lonely and sad. They were kindred spirits, which was perhaps why she was able to reach him. They had filled a missing part in each other's lives.

Inuyasha couldn't just forget her. He couldn't just forget what they had meant to one other...the role that she had played in healing his tattered soul. Even now, despite her current state and disposition, he couldn't hate her. She had an air of sadness in life, but now all she had were sorrow and loss. Her life had been robbed from her and she had died believing that he had betrayed and killed her. How could he blame her for the way that she felt?

She wanted to rest…for her soul to be at peace…but she also still loved him…at least some part of her. But she knew that any chance of being happy was beyond her forever because they could never be together again in life. The only possibility was death. Inuyasha blinked as he looked up at the stars. He should have died too…long ago. But he was alive, and he had things that he still needed to do. He couldn't be with Kikyo…but he could in the very least avenge her death and repay Naraku for both of their suffering.

If things were simple, he would easily commit himself to death after obtaining his revenge and join Kikyo. For a while, those were his intentions. But now his mind and heart were split. He cared deeply for Kagome as well. She provided him with a reason to live as Kikyo once had. She made him feel like he belonged and she accepted him for who and what he was. He liked being with her. In fact, he hated being without her.

It was easy for people to tell him to choose…to make up his mind…but how could he? His heart ached for Kikyo and yearned for Kagome. They shared the same soul but were as different as could be, and he was drawn to them both…he wanted to protect them both. It was true that most of Kikyo's light now shone from Kagome, and that was part of what attracted him to her. But she was also unique and the longer that he was around her, the more he started to appreciate her for who _she_ was.

Kagome…she didn't deserve to be hurt, and she didn't understand why he did what he did. It wasn't like he'd ever shared his heart on the matter with anyone. He just couldn't explain it and make anyone understand…his feelings were complicated. Sometimes he didn't even understand himself…and here everyone thought that he was shallow. It was easier to come across that way, but it was frustrating at times when he wanted people to understand that he was hurting too. He had always hurt on the inside.

But Kagome _did_ understand that…just like Kikyo once had. She gave him credit for having deeper feelings. She seemed to know when he was hurting and was patient with him, even when he was playing the tough guy and refusing her kindness. Her eyes could be every bit as gentle as Kikyo's had been.

Inuyasha sighed again, shifting his weight slightly and pulling his dangling leg up to rest on the branch. His ears were no longer back in anger but drooped in somberness. He really shouldn't compare them so much, he thought. He knew that Kagome hated being compared to Kikyo and that she felt as if she could never measure up in his eyes. But she was wrong. If only she knew how much he admired her. She was strong like Kikyo, but her strength was her own…just as her spirit was her own. He was just as much attracted to the facets of her that were unique to her as he was to her likenesses to Kikyo.

Just then, the sound of movement caught his attention and his ears swiveled back but he didn't turn to look. He could tell by the scent that it was Kagome. She walked slowly from the door of the hut over to the tree, her feet shuffling slightly as an indication that she was a bit unsure. She sat down against the trunk of the tree and a moment of silence passed before her voice rose to him.

"Inuyasha?" she said softly, not looking up.

Inuyasha shifted slightly and then replied, "Yeah?"

Kagome sighed quietly, looking downward. "Could you come down, please?" she requested in a demure tone.

Inuyasha looked down at her and noticed that she seemed sullen. If she'd lost her ire, it might be safe to venture down…and he certainly wasn't angry any more either.

In a moment, Kagome heard the soft sound of his graceful landing beside her. She didn't look at him but it was clear that something was bothering her. She drew in a breath but before she could say anything, Inuyasha spoke.

"Kagome, I'm sorry….." he uttered, his gaze not on her either but staring off into the distance. Kagome's eyes snapped to him and she looked stunned, as if hearing a sincere apology from Inuyasha was like watching the heavens move. Inuyasha knew that he'd lose his nerve if she spoke, so he hastily dove into the rest of his apology. "I didn't mean what I said…and I didn't mean to……to…hurt you." He didn't look like he was begrudging the apology. The regret in his voice was honest.

Kagome's eyes misted slightly and a tiny smile graced her lips. "I know you didn't. And I didn't mean what I said either. It's not my place to question your heart." Inuyasha now met her gaze and as he looked into her eyes, he could see understanding there. Despite her pain, she was thinking of his feelings above her own. Inuyasha sighed and looked back down at the ground. How could he say what was on his heart?

As he was contemplating, Kagome leaned her head lightly on his shoulder and looked up at the stars. Inuyasha's breath caught in his throat and all of his thoughts about how to express his feelings were forgotten. All he could do was lean his head on Kagome's and hope that she would continue to have patience with him as he tried to sort out his own heart.


	3. Miroku on His Curse and on Sango

**_Miroku on His Curse and on Sango_**

Everyone was asleep except for Miroku. He lay awake like he so often did, staring at his hand. This was really the only time that he could contemplate personal things and he didn't particularly like to be alone to brood. The rhythmic breathing of his companions did much to comfort his heart.

'_I don't like to be alone,'_ he thought almost with surprise, which was funny because he had spent a very good portion of his life traveling alone. He didn't even mind solitude back then. But that was before he met them all. Now things were different.

He couldn't imagine going back to being alone. He even chose to think on his problems while the others were around him. Why? Because he was afraid. Afraid to be alone…afraid to die alone…and as much as the truth of the matter tore him apart, he knew that he would die alone. It was inevitable. He couldn't risk taking anyone else with him to death. He would be isolated in his last moments…isolated and terrified, without the love and comfort of family or friends.

'_Damn Naraku!' _Miroku thought bitterly. He didn't hate many things, but he could say with certainty that all he felt for Naraku was hatred. The demon had destroyed his grandfather, his father, and was now destroying him…slowly…painfully. Not just physical pain, but emotional torture as well.

That was why he'd avoided making friends. He knew that getting close to anyone would just lead to eventual sorrow. But somehow friends had fallen into his life anyway and he was now facing the situation that he had hoped to avoid. Still…now that he had found friendship, he cherished every day that he had to enjoy it.

Miroku lowered his hand and glanced over the sleeping faces of his companions. These people cared about him. His eyes passed over one face after another until they finally rested on Sango's face. _'Sango.'_ Such a beautiful woman…strong, intelligent and compassionate. If only the situation were different. But as things were, he could not reveal his heart to her.

He had never actually asked Sango to bear him a child. At first, this was merely an oversight due to circumstances. Now……now he decided not to ever ask her. He was certain she'd just slap him anyway, but that wasn't the reason behind his decision. In truth, he didn't have the heart to suggest that she get involved in his fate any more than she already was, especially since he suspected that she did harbor some feelings for him. Having a child together would only make things more painful…for both of them.

It was ironic. Everyone thought that his quest for an heir was just an excuse to indulge his desires. He wasn't going to deny that he didn't mind the idea of the pleasure, but his motivations were true. Some day Naraku would fall and he wanted someone of his bloodline to see it.

It truly was a double-edged sword. He would be cursing an innocent child with his plight, but he would also leave his legacy. He only hoped that he would live long enough to teach the child and pass on his knowledge and wisdom. After all, his child would not only inherit his curse but also the burden of his fight.

It was cruel. He knew that it was a cruel thing to do to…to create a life only to sentence it to such torture. He was living it. He knew what it was like. But he had to do it. He couldn't let his bloodline perish with him. Naraku was not going to win! As long as Miroku's bloodline continued, then Naraku hadn't accomplished his goal for the monk's family yet. If he couldn't defeat the demon within his lifetime, then perhaps his descendents would.

This was, of course, all contingent on him actually producing an heir. He had been trying for a long time but women were always too damned prudish! He was really starting to feel his time dwindling. The Kaazana was growing…getting stronger. He wondered how much longer he had until it swallowed him into its abyss. He knew that it would be excruciating but he wondered what would become of him when it was over. Would it consume his soul as well?

Miroku shuddered ever so slightly and blinked slowly. He was still gazing at Sango. _'Will she weep for me?'_ he wondered. _'Does she love me?' _He blinked again. _'If things were only different, Sango,'_ he addressed her in his mind. _'We could truly have a family together.'_ Miroku smiled softly to himself. What beautiful children they could make.

Miroku's vision blurred slightly as he began to imagine what their children could look like. A little boy of theirs could have his deep eyes and Sango's cute nose. A little girl…perhaps Sango's soulful eyes and his supple lips. He could imagine chasing them around, playing with them, helping put them to bed…all of the things a father would do. He felt that he would make a good father. Despite his shortcomings, he was good with children.

Miroku blinked as his eyes refocused. He couldn't afford to get too wrapped up in fantasies…especially ones that involved Sango. The sooner he accepted that there would be no happily ever after for him, the easier it would be for him to do what he had to do. Any heir of his would come from a woman who would be a complete stranger to him. The less emotional attachment, the better.

But what if they were able to defeat Naraku within his lifetime? He would be free…as would Sango. But what if by that time, he'd already had a child with someone else. Would Sango be willing to look past that? Would she take him under those circumstances? Or would any chance he might have had with her be ruined? Would she instead settle down with the handsome lord who proclaimed love for her and told her that he would wait for her no matter how long she might need?

There were too many what-ifs. He couldn't live by questioning every action and decision. He had to assume that the worst would happen and base his actions on that. He couldn't afford to do otherwise. He knew that he would have regrets regardless of whatever scenario eventually unfolded, so he had to choose the path that would result in the least compunction.

Miroku sighed almost inaudibly. He decided not to dwell on these things any longer. It was only serving to depress him. Instead, he continued to gaze at Sango and he started to remember some of the things that they had been through. He thought of rough times and of pleasant times…and of the many times he had taken a handful of her supple backside. He had lost count of how many times she had slapped him since they'd met.

A small smile crept across Miroku's lips as he thought of all of the mischief he'd gotten into. The game was fun, and despite Sango's protestations, he suspected that she found it amusing as well. He remembered the day that they were sharing one of Kagome's…umbrellas was what she called them. He had ruined a potentially serious conversation with his lechery and Sango had decorated his face with a nice red handprint. But then she laughed!

Her laugh was golden…the way that her eyes shone and all of the worries of her life temporarily lifted from her face. She didn't laugh often enough. Like the rest of them, she didn't have much to laugh about. Naraku had taken his toll on her as well.

Miroku's smile faded as he thought about what Naraku had done to Sango. Her family had been killed, her entire people had been destroyed, and her brother had been brain-washed and was now being controlled, his life sustained only by a shard of the Shikon no Tama. Miroku's eyes trembled as he looked at Sango's face, which seemed almost sad even in slumber. Though surrounded by friends, she must sometimes feel so alone…just like him.

As he gazed at her, he longed to hold her…to tell her that things would be alright…that everything would work out. But how could he make those assurances to her when he didn't believe them himself? They would just be empty words. He wasn't the kind to offer false hope…and Sango wasn't the kind to accept hollow comforting.

Miroku sighed again. Somehow he'd returned to negative thoughts. He had been trying to clear his mind of despair but his thoughts kept returning to bleak things. As he blinked, he suddenly realized that the eyes that he had been staring at for so long were no longer closed but open and returning his gaze.

"Sango," he whispered in surprise, but he didn't move.

"Miroku," she whispered back. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing," he replied. "I'm sorry if I woke you."

Sango shook her head to dismiss it. "It's ok. You look so grave. Please tell me what's wrong."

This time Miroku shook his head. "I was just……..thinking." He smiled softly at her. "That's all."

Sango returned his smile. Normally, she would question what he was thinking about with skepticism, but something in his eyes told her that he wasn't being crude. For a moment, she had seen such deep sorrow that it caused her breath to catch. Now he was smiling it away again…like he always did.

"If you ever need to talk about anything…you know I'll always listen," she offered sincerely.

Miroku's eyes trembled once but then he just nodded and smiled a bit wider. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Hey!" interrupted a gruff voice, fogged over with sleep. "Stop gabbin' and go back to sleep." Inuyasha's golden eyes glowed softly in the dark as he glared at the two offenders.

"Sorry, Inuyasha," whispered Miroku and Sango together. The hanyou then shifted slightly and closed his eyes again, the golden sheen disappearing once again in the dark.

Miroku smiled gently at Sango and then mouthed, 'Goodnight,' to her. She mouthed it back and then he turned over. Miroku waited until Sango's breathing slowed and then he slowly turned back over to regard her one last time before going to sleep himself.

'_Maybe someday I can tell you what's on my heart, Sango,'_ he thought. _'But for now…just keep slapping me. This game is all that we can share for now.'_


	4. Shippou on His Life and Friends

**_Shippou on His Life and Friends_**

When his parents were killed, he thought that his life was over. He was an orphan…a young youkai in a world of cruel and merciless youkai that were far stronger than he was. How could he hope to survive when there were creatures out there that would love to eat him for breakfast? Not to mention the fact that the Thunder Brothers had been out for his blood as well.

He hadn't expected to find friends in a hanyou and a girl from the future, of all unlikely candidates. Nevertheless, they accepted him and allowed him to join them. They even helped him avenge his father's death. It was more than he could have hoped for.

After that, more new people entered his life…Miroku, Sango and Kirara. He considered them all to be his friends and better still, they saw him as a friend as well. He felt like he had a new family. As odd and mixed as it was, he was grateful to belong somewhere again.

He thought about these things during times when they had a break from fighting. He spent a great deal more time reflecting than anyone would have guessed of him considering his age. His favorite time to think was when they all sat around a warm fire on a peaceful evening, just before bedtime.

In one such instance, he sat beside Kagome and watched the flames of the fire as they flicked and twisted their hypnotic dance. Watching the fire always put him in a sentimental state of mind. He began to think of his parents, of their deaths and how he felt every time he saw his father's battered pelt around the waist of that murderer Manten. Then he thought of his meeting Kagome and Inuyasha and how they helped him, putting his father at peace and easing his own aching heart.

It was actually Kagome who had eased his heart the most. She had been the first to reach out to him when he was orphaned and it was she who had become like a mother to him. Now, she was easily the most important person in his life. She loved him and protected him, prevented Inuyasha from bullying him, and showed him the affection that any child would want from time to time.

Her shoulder was often his perch of choice and he adored riding in the basket on her bike. He always wanted to sleep next to her and she never seemed to mind if he ended up sprawling out on top of her or getting wrapped up in her blanket. She always brought him delicious sweet things from her era, and sometimes she would watch him affectionately when his eyes lit up as he tasted something for the first time. And on occasion she would cuddle him, particularly after she'd been gone for a while. Upon her return, he would run at her and leap happily into her arms, reveling in the motherly cuddle that followed.

He always missed her terribly when she went back home. He knew that she couldn't stay with him all of the time but every time she left, he felt her absence to the point of becoming restless and unhappy until she returned. He often resorted to mischief to take his mind off of it, which could result in unpleasant consequences…especially from Inuyasha, who didn't have Kagome there to temper his wrath at such times.

Even when Shippou didn't instigate anything, he always felt more picked on when Kagome wasn't there. She was the buffer for everyone, but especially for him. Even if there weren't any troubles, however, things just seemed to be better when she was there.

He looked up at her, at the subtle smile that graced her lips as she enjoyed the rare calm that they were experiencing. Her face was so gentle, softened even further by the glow of the firelight. She blinked once and then glanced down at him, her smile growing. He grinned back at her cutely. They often shared smiles. It was their way of expressing the unspoken bond between them.

When both of them returned their gazes to the fire, Shippou smiled to himself. He was glad that Kagome was with them tonight. Her feelings of contentment augmented his own. In fact, everyone seemed at ease tonight. There was an atmosphere of peace about them.

Shippou glanced at the faces of his friends, their skin illuminated with the warm hues of the fire so that they looked serene and pleasant…even Inuyasha, whose face was usually harsh with battle-ready vigilance and the ever present burden of his life experiences. At the moment, he looked so tranquil, perhaps even kind.

Shippou began to consider Inuyasha. The hanyou could be so mean-spirited and violent sometimes, and he seemed to have a partiality toward picking on Shippou. He even got downright violent with him when he was in particular distemper. Yet…Shippou knew better than to take things at surface value.

Inuyasha was complicated. He had some of the facets of a demon's disposition, yet the heart and feelings of a human. Because of what he was, he'd been through hell his entire life. Even Shippou didn't have those kinds of problems. He might be small, but he was a full demon in the very least. He knew his place in the world. Inuyasha never had that sense of belonging and his heart was always in conflict.

Looking at Inuyasha's almost melancholy expression, Shippou could see the care-worn quality in his usually guarded eyes. He suddenly looked older. It made Shippou think of all of the times he'd seen Inuyasha with a softer expression, like when he was sad or being uncharacteristically kind. Shippou then thought of the times when that kindness had been directed at him. In particular, he remembered an instance when Inuyasha had actually commended him for a well fought battle, which was a compliment that he never dreamed he'd hear from a being so powerful.

He had been fighting a lizard demon who intended harm to a little human girl that he had befriended. He felt like he was once again too weak to do anything useful and when Inuyasha had come to his aid, he had despaired over how pathetic he was. But Inuyasha had said that the demon was on its last legs, and that Shippou had fought well and exhausted the demon's energy. He would never forget the kind expression in Inuyasha's eyes and the encouraging tone of his voice. The hanyou had been supportive…and sincere.

Inuyasha would never know how much his supportive words had meant to Shippou. The little kitsune also never forgot that Inuyasha had always been there any time he'd ever needed him, to save his life or to stand by him in the face of adversity. Shippou found himself looking at Inuyasha differently in that moment. He was like a big brother, reserving the right to torment Shippou, but always there for him when the situation got serious.

After a moment, Inuyasha eyes shifted to meet Shippou's gaze and he might have made a sarcastic comment if he hadn't caught the look of admiration that accompanied the stare. Instead of hardening his expression, he smiled ever so slightly at the tiny demon.

Shippou's eyes widened when he realized that he'd been caught but his shock was quickly replaced with a small smile of his own when he saw that Inuyasha's kind expression hadn't faded. If anything, he now felt that benevolence directed at him and his concept of Inuyasha as a big brother grew even stronger. However, he returned his gaze to the fire so as not to exhaust Inuyasha's patience. He didn't want to lose the warmth of feeling he had achieved by pushing more out of it than Inuyasha was willing to give.

Just then, Miroku stretched, sighing contentedly before relaxing again. This drew Shippou's attention and he watched the monk silently for a moment. Miroku could be so frustrating sometimes. Of all of his friends, Shippou felt that he understood Miroku the least. After all, he was just a child and Miroku was driven by the more adult facets of the world that he just didn't quite comprehend. Even if he grasped the concepts, Miroku's motivations often made no sense to him. Still, as confounding as the monk could be, Shippou still liked him.

Despite the fact that he was an incorrigible letch, Miroku actually did like children and was very good at relating to them. He exercised a great deal of patience for Shippou's pranks and he always treated the young kitsune like he was on equal standing with any adult. Miroku never made Shippou feel unwanted or in the way and he never seemed to mind Shippou perching on his shoulder.

Miroku even took in stride all of Shippou's sarcasm about his escapades. Most people would be angry if a child made cynical comments admonishing their behavior, but Miroku allowed Shippou his repartee. Often, it appeared as if such banter amused Miroku, as if he were interested to hear a child's perceptions of his behavior. Sometimes they seemed to amuse one another.

In addition to all of that, Shippou also admired Miroku's intelligence. The monk was a fount of knowledge and despite his lifestyle, he was also wise. He was certainly a vast contrast to Inuyasha, who thought more often with his sword or mouth than with his brain. Shippou appreciated Miroku's ingenuity and cleverness. When his eyes weren't clouded by lust or mischief, there was a knowing and venerable look about them. Coupled with a jovial and approachable manner, these qualities made him extremely likable despite his idiosyncrasies.

In considering Miroku, Shippou was surprised that the monk hadn't once tried to make a pass at Sango the entire evening. Shippou glanced back and forth between them. They both seemed so calm and relaxed that he figured Miroku either didn't want to ruin it or wasn't thinking about it at the moment.

When his eyes finally came to rest on Sango, he noticed that she, too, seemed to be deep in thought. Her expression was a little melancholy, but not altogether unhappy. He supposed that she might be thinking about Kohaku…perhaps during happier times.

Shippou understood Sango's pain. He'd lost his family too. Granted, the circumstances were different, but he knew what it was like to feel all alone in the world. However, Sango faced a complication that he didn't have to. Kohaku was still alive, in a manner of speaking, but so far away in every sense. Sango might have more easily been able to cope with his death, but losing him to Naraku…it tortured her every day.

There was still a vague hope that they might yet save Kohaku and there were times when Shippou thought that this was the only thing that gave Sango the will to keep fighting. He certainly hoped that they would be able to save her brother. He hated to see Sango suffer so much. Despite a strong exterior, she was fragile on the inside. Every time Naraku sent Kohaku into their path, Shippou could see how much it wore on Sango's emotions.

He was glad to see her at peace tonight. She needed time to refresh her emotional state of being. That's why he was also glad that Miroku was leaving her alone. Maybe Miroku sensed that she needed this break as well. In any case, Shippou hoped that she drew comfort from the presence of her friends. He hoped that even if the situation with Kohaku didn't end as they desired, that Sango would find enough purpose and meaning in her relationships with them to want to go on living. He didn't want to lose her as a friend.

After a moment, Shippou's eyes traveled down to Kirara sleeping in Sango's lap. Kirara was his playmate. It was nice to have a friend as small as he was. Well, she was small most of the time. He actually loved the way she could become a fierce creature to be reckoned with. He always felt safe around her. He only wished that he could make himself grow like that. Sure, he could emulate the appearance of a tall person, but it wasn't the same. He couldn't actually fight like that.

Shippou sighed to himself. It wasn't as if he could offer much in a fight anyway. Sure, he could hold his own against a weak opponent, but in the battles that really mattered, the ones where his friends put their lives on the line for the greater cause, he felt useless. They always had to protect him. Someday, he would repay them. When he got older and more powerful, he would do something for all of them. Until then, all he could give was the gift of friendship. But that was all they seemed to wish of him.

They didn't keep him with them for the sake of having an extra fighter or because he offered some skill that was invaluable. They wanted him with them because he was their friend and they liked him. That made him feel special. It made him feel loved. Shippou dozed off with the warmth of that thought filling his heart.

* * *

**Additional notes: **While we're on the subject of Shippou, I have a short story about him entitled, _"A Trickster's Nature."_ If you want, you can check it out through my profile. It's short but funny and it involves Miroku getting a bit of what's coming to him! 


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